1- He was born as a line.
They develop fast, though. And if you're thinking this is the stupidest thing you ever heard, I'd like you to think of how would a 2-dimensional head pass through a one-dimensional woman.
I rest my case.
2- He was the 5th son in a family of 8
Old times, big families. John is the one in the center with the lushy black hair. To the left of him, that is Steve. The rest of his brothers and sisters don't matter enough for the time being, so I'll just leave them nameless.
3- He started balding at age 16
Sad, but incredibly common among stick figures. Those who can keep full grown hair at age 40 are rare. And, oddly enough, the demand for bald stick figures cause some of these lucky dudes to shave their heads so they can get a job. Sometimes even stick women do that as well, so they can pose as males. It's a crazy business, people!
4- He wears clothes. Line-thin clothes...
And now you know, and knowing is half of the battle! Also, better explanation as to why some other stick figures appear clothed: there are stickmen-made clothes, people! Ain't that awesome?
As to why Theo appeared naked that time when he should be wearing John's clothes, it's simple: Theo is too wide for John's clothes! and That's final!
5- He let his beard grow in the 80s
This fact led me into a very interesting question: why do people get bald only on the top of the head? I never heard of anyone who's got baldness on his beard! Anyway, this was a fact too amusing to let pass without a mention!
6- He worked as a model
John had many works, interestingly enough none in the webcomics enterprise. Not that he didn't want to, but it was hard times for stickmen, as we all know...
7- He once tried to be a narrator
Despite what he says, being a narrator is still tough business as it was back then. Unfortunately, though, most narrator jobs are delegated to Fourth Wallers, which are people whose origins will be discussed further down line. For now, you just try and figure what the heck that means.
Also, he didn't get the job because his typeface was too thin.
8- His biggest dream... to create his own webcomic!
We know that already. It's in his character, he wanted so hard to make his own webcomic, but when time came he had to suck it up and get back to his better paying job. And now he feels it's too late for him. After all, he'll never catch up with all these pop cuture references and darned video toys or whatever they're called!
But he still has that dream. Hold onto it, old man!
— Bruno "Professional Mole" GuedesMonday, September 20th 2010
9- One of his legs is thicker than the other